Late Evening Snark: We have now A Winner Version
The late-night hosts deserve kudos for stepping up their sport as truthtellers and mockers of Trump and his evil band of incompetent management freaks. This week they have been as relieved as the remainder of us…
“Girls and gents, Joe Biden did it! Lastly, after 4 years, People can exhale—until you are close to different folks, then please do not due to the pandemic. … [It’s] by no means a great signal when a majority of People react to you shedding your job the way in which they did to us getting Bin Laden. It appears like America is—what is the phrase?—nice once more.”
“I do know it’s onerous to imagine, however in any case this time it looks like actuality has lastly caught up with Donald Trump. … I wager as we communicate he’s ripping out the copper wiring from the White Home partitions.”
“You may inform issues are already getting again to regular. This morning on my approach to work I noticed two New Yorkers giving one another the finger and it had nothing to do with politics. Is not that nice?”
“Even Mom Nature obtained in on the enjoyable. After the announcement there was really a double rainbow over L.A. The Trump marketing campaign is already attempting to overturn at the least a type of rainbows in court docket.”
“So NOW Trump needs to quarantine within the White Home.”
“Whereas it will be good to see the Secret Service drag Trump out of workplace, the president is forsaking a wave of white resentment and disinformation. Plus, out of spite, Trump might be going to upperdeck all of the bathrooms within the West Wing.”
“Protection Secretary Mark Esper was fired yesterday by President Trump, which is 75-million fewer folks than Trump was fired by.”
“Trump’s run for president started on a golden escalator and led to an alley subsequent to a dildo retailer. … Please do not grasp [Trump’s] portrait within the White Home. Simply smash a mango on the wall as an alternative and put his identify below it.”
And now, our function presentation…
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 13, 2020
Observe: At present is Friday the thirteenth. In the event you instantly get the sense this night that your life is at risk, simply press the cloaking system on the newest model of the Apple Watch, which shall be accessible for obtain subsequent Wednesday. —Mgt.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til Quantity 1 of Barack Obama’s memoir A Promised Land comes out: 4
P.c, to this point, of eligible voting-age People who forged a poll within the 2020 elections, a rise of 0.4% over 2008: 62%
P.c of People polled by Gallup who say they perceive that the coronavirus pandemic is getting worse: 61%
Minimal variety of environmental protections the Trump administration labored to do away with so the wall could possibly be constructed, in keeping with the Southern Environmental Legislation Middle: 100
Variety of the 16 Medals of Freedom President Trump has awarded throughout his presidency that went to males: 15
Quantity that the one feminine recipient, alongside together with her husband, donated to Trump’s 2016 and 2020 presidential campaigns with cash they made off of playing addicts: $100 million
Age of the hole-puncher as of at the moment: 134
Pet Pic of the Day: Coming quickly to an executive mansion near you…
CHEERS to chill science. Again in April, Bob Behnken and Doug Hurley grew to become the primary astronauts since 2011 to launch their hineys into house from American soil. That flight was technically a check run. Six months later, the gravity-defiance professionals at NASA and SpaceX will ship 4 extra—People Shannon Walker, Victor Glover, and Mike Hopkins, together with Japan’s Soichi Noguchi—up yonder on an official NASA-certified common journey to ship freshly-baked cookies and good cheer to the Worldwide House Station. Fortunately Hurricane Eta is lengthy gone and the green light is lit, although a bit later than initially deliberate:
A SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket and Crew Dragon capsule have been slated to launch the astronauts to the Worldwide House Station on Saturday (Nov. 14) from NASA’s Kennedy House Middle in Florida. That mission, referred to as Crew 1, will no launch no sooner than Sunday at 7:27 p.m. EST on account of unacceptable climate for rocket restoration operations, regardless of a 70% likelihood of fine launch climate.
“For the following 15 months, we are going to fly seven crew and cargo Dragon missions for NASA. That implies that, beginning with Crew-1, there shall be a steady presence of SpaceX Dragons on orbit,” Benji Reed, senior director of human spaceflight at SpaceX, mentioned within the post-FRR information convention. “We’re honored to be the nation’s launch supplier for crew missions and take critically the duty that NASA has entrusted to us to hold American astronauts to and from the house station.”
You may try a few of the experiments they’ll be conducting during their six-month stay here. In the event you want me Sunday night you will discover me in my traditional pre-launch spot: below the covers in my custom-made Space Shuttle bed clutching my fortunate John Glenn bobblehead and holding my breath.
JEERS to the nattering nabobs of Nazism. Talking of weekend occasions: tomorrow a gaggle of brainwashed cultists—aka “Oath Keepers, Three Percenters, Infowars fanatics, Groypers, Proud Boys, white nationalists, neo-Nazis and the individuals who would merely name themselves die-hard MAGA”—are planning to camo-up and take their wacky cosplay antics to Washington D.C. for a permit-less occasion referred to as “The Million MAGA March,” aka “Cease the Steal,” aka “March for Trump.”
Of their minds one million patriots will present up and alter historical past by making Joe Biden quake in his boots so onerous that he flees the nation after agreeing to offer Trump his second time period.
The fact shall be barely totally different: a thousand bedraggled goofballs will present up, mill round and be harmlessly obnoxious, after which go residence. In the event you’re , you possibly can watch dwell protection on the Watching Paint Dry Channel.
JEERS to silly rattling wars. On this date in 1982, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial—a vee form which factors on the State Division—was devoted. Our suggestion for the form of the long run Iraq Conflict Memorial: a “W” on a spindle that factors accusingly within the path of wherever George W. Bush is at any given second.
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
Devoted tonight to 306-232 loser Donald Trump
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
CHEERS to Mary Had A Little Lamb. Again within the day, you could possibly play that tune with the buttons in your touch-tone cellphone, which was invented on this date in 1963. It was nearly as superior as having the ability to spell out BOOBIES along with your calculator by punching in 5318008 and turning it the wrong way up. Man, we have been wild again then. You children don’t know.
CHEERS to residence vegetation. There’s one single leaf nonetheless hangin’ on for expensive life within the yard, and I refuse to begin raking till it drops. So till then, it is weekend boob-tubage.
As all the time, MSNBC is the place to go for particulars of any Friday evening information dumps. There’s an interesting-looking episode of Undercover Boss tonight (9pm, CBS), during which Shreveport, Louisiana Mayor Adrian Perkins goes incognito and will get coaching from metropolis officers in varied departments. The preferred residence movies, new and outdated, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NFL schedule is here. And should you thought you noticed information concerning the Masters golf match this week, don’t regulate your set—it’s going on now after being re-scheduled (protection begins tomorrow at 1on CBS) from its traditional April slot.
Sunday on 60 Minutes, President Barack Obama provides his first post-election interview and, amongst different issues, reacts to Trump’s bogus voter fraud claims. Anchorman Kent Brockman questions his profession on The Simpsons, and Peter’s arms are changed with tiny arms on Household Man. (If there’s not a Trump joke in it someplace, I’m calling comedy malpractice.) And, sadly, John Oliver takes off on an extended trip after airing the season finale of HBO’s Final Week Tonight Sunday at 11.
Now this is your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Joe Biden’s—‘scuse me—President-elect Joe Biden’s chief of workers Ron Klain; Michael Osterholm of Biden’s Covid-19 job drive; Gov. Asa Hutchison (R-AR).
This Week: HHS’s Adm. Brett Giroir; President-elect Biden Covid-19 Advisory Board member Dr. Atul Gawande; John Bolton; U.S. Senate candidate from Georgia Jon Osoff; former Obama Homeland Safety secretary Jeh Johnson.
Face the Nation: Preempted by the Masters match.
CNN’s State of the Union: U.S. Senate candidate from Georgia Rev. Raphael Warnock; Dr. Anthony Fauci; Gov. Mike DeWine (R-OH).
Fox GOP Speaking Factors Sunday: Revered authorized professional Lawrence Tribe; disgraced authorized hack Ken Starr.
Ten years in the past in C&J: November 13, 2010
CHEERS to the Traveler-in-Chief. On day six of his Asian tour, President Obama is stumping in South Korea, seeing the sights and dealing on a trade deal. He is coming off of a principally nostalgic and profitable cease in Indonesia. I say “principally” as a result of some conspiracy theorists there have been skeptical, accusing him of being a secret Christian capitalist who was born in the USA. Man, generally ya simply can’t win.
And only one extra…
CHEERS to Gandalf the Gray of Blogger Land. Comfortable anniversary to one of many longest-running blogs on the web: Josh Marshall’s Polk Award-winning Talking Points Memo, which turns 20 at the moment.
You may re-live the delivery of this progressive supernova in his early posts during the Florida 2000 recount, though it’d trigger your blood strain to spike, particularly given how Republicans are nonetheless attempting to steal elections. Josh offered the blueprint for learn how to do political running a blog. His now-supersized crew and expanded website proceed offering no-frills unique reporting with simply sufficient evaluation and snark to assist us make sense of politics, and nothing the righty blogs supply comes near TPM’s objectivity, accuracy and pace. Throughout election seasons TPM is a each day must-click vacation spot, and it has been nice seeing the positioning buck the “running a blog is only a fad” naysayers for 20 journeys across the solar. After all, they’re no Nice Orange Devil…however then once more, nobody’s excellent.
Have an awesome weekend. Flooring’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at the moment?